Between You and Me
by ontheceiling
Summary: SV- The truth lies within-- UPDATED! 12-21-03
1. An Ocean Breeze

**Between You and Me**

**Author:** Kate, ME!

**Disclaimer: **I own no one and very few belongings! Well, I do own Justine, Derrick, and some other characters I can't think of right now… (lol, they'll come up later…)

**Rating:** PG-13… maybe… depending on how naughty I'm feeling ;) 

**Spoilers:** AU, consider it… well after the first eppy… ?

**Summary:** Their secret is hidden in a box in his attic.

**Special thanks** go to: TRISH! I LOVE YOU! YOU'RE MY GIRL! Lol… oh, and my thesaurus…. I love you man, lol!

On with the show!

------

Chapter One: An Ocean Breeze

          Sydney dropped her keys onto the counter and noticed the annoying flashing of the red light on her answering machine. She had messages, which wasn't a good thing considering the way she was feeling about communication right now, let alone the human race. Having just returned from a day in hell, she didn't feel like hearing another human's voice.

          But, her curiosity got the better of her and she just had to find out who was left in her life that would actually _care enough _to leave a message on her machine. Pressing the 'play' button, she went over to the fridge, grabbed an apple, and shoved it into her mouth as she sifted through her mail.

          "Hey, Syd, it's Weiss. I know you just left work so you won't get this message for about … 15 minutes or so but I thought you should know that you're having dinner with me tonight. I'm making pizza. That's right—_homemade_—and it's just never as good unless it's shared with a pretty girl such as yourself…" Sydney smiled and laughed as she dumped the junk mail in the trash and took a bite out of her apple. "I'll be expecting you at my place at about… oh say seven o'clock with a good appetite. See you then," the answering machine beeped to tell her she had no more messages. Suddenly she felt really unloved.

          _Stop it! You're being ridiculous! _She practically screamed at herself. _You're judging how much people love you on how many messages you have. Mature. **Real **mature._

          Taking the last few bites out of her apple, she slid her work jacket off and looked at the clock over the stove: 5:30. At least she had time for a bath before she was 'required' at the Weiss residence. During her brief allowance of relaxation, she could think of how to give him the news. 

------

Sydney looked in the mirror at her attire for the evening: a black fitted tee and dark jeans. A simple silver clip held half her hair up at the back of her head. Her makeup was composed of some black eyeliner to tie into her black tee and black boots, and a touch of mascara. It would look that she was dressing very casual, but she actually felt too dressed up.  Her current ensemble was quite contrasting to her usual business suits for work and her pajamas for her very rare time off. 

She shrugged at her self in the mirror. Who was she trying to impress? Eric? God no, he had seen her in far worse states and they both new it. To try to change his impression of her would be to try to stop the earth from rotating.

Was she trying to impress herself? Prove to herself that she was moving on? Carpe diem? 

She went into the kitchen and grabbed the bottle of wine that she found in her fridge, not really remembering what it was from. The days around when she moved into her new house were blurry to her memory; so much had been going on that her subconscious just dismissed her house and things involving it as irrelevant. She just hoped that Weiss hadn't been the one to give her that wine in the first place.

It was a short drive to Eric's, but Sydney had wished it were longer. She had a bombshell to drop on him and she needed a better explanation to cushion the fall.

Sydney arrived on his doorstep and clutched the neck of the wine bottle in her right hand. She rang the doorbell and put on a warm smile when Weiss opened the door.

"Hey Syd!" he opened the door and held out his arms for a hug as if they didn't see each other every day. She accepted the warm hug willingly. She missed friendship; blind friendship. 

Weiss took the wine in his hand as he walked to the kitchen and examined the label.

"I found it in my fridge," Sydney shrugged her coat off with a smile and draped it over a chair.

With a low chuckle, he put it in the fridge. "I'm glad you put a lot of thought into this evening."

Sydney smiled. "Well, I didn't know a lot of thought would be required considering it was practically an _order _that I be here tonight."

"No, you got it all wrong. It was simply a _request_."

"Yeah, yeah. Sure," Sydney moved to the joined family room and sat on the couch. She sighed, "Anyway, the pizza smells good. I'm starving. When can we eat?"

"Geeze, you're a great guest Syd! First you come in and insult my dinner invitation, and then you demand food! Well, I guess I'll think twice before I ask you to dinner again!" He sat down on the couch next to her and she gave him a nudge in the ribs. She gave him a sweet smile and sat patiently.

"Alright, ten minutes," he said lowly. 

Sydney took a deep breath. _You have to tell him… you have to tell him…_

------

          "You're doing what?!" Weiss stopped, a slice of pizza hovering in front of his face.

          "Only for a few months," she said, taking a bite of her own slice. The cheese formed long finger-like strings that stretched and finally broke, springing back to the pizza.

          "A few _months, _Syd?" he gave up now and set his slice down on his plate. "How do you become a teacher for only a few months?"

          Sydney sighed, "Nancy Watterson, is going on maternity leave and I'm subbing for her."

          "And that's it?" he shrugged sarcastically like it was no big deal. "Just like that? You're gonna walk away from everything? Every_one_?"

          She knew what he was getting at. He was going to try to convince her that she was doing this because of Vaughn, and on some level, she was; but she needed to do this for herself more than anything.

          "There's no other option," she said quietly and got up from the table to go to the kitchen.

          As she walked away, Weiss tried to get her to stop, "What's that supposed to mean?" When she didn't stop, he threw his napkin down on the table and followed her into the kitchen. 

          He found her leaning on the counter over the sink, looking out the window into his backyard.

          "Syd…" he began quietly, "…why?" It was all he was able to get out; he didn't want to say anything too harsh, he didn't want her to break.

          She slowly turned around and he could see tears in her eyes. "Why?" she repeated incredulously. "Eric, look at my life!" she said in a whisper. "What is there left for me? It was either start a new life, or spend every day facing what I lost." Taking a deep breath, she looked at him with pleading eyes asking him to just drop it, but being Weiss, he couldn't.

          "Syd, you know Vaughn is…"

          "Don't," she warned him severely. "Don't think this is about him. It isn't."

          He gave her an obvious look. "Do you honestly expect me to believe that?"

          Sydney paused, considering what he said. She couldn't even convince _herself_ that Vaughn wasn't the main factor that played into her taking this job. If things were the same between them, would she have even _considered_ taking the job?

"Alright, fine," she said, annoyed. "But not _all _of it is based on him. Did you stop to think that maybe it had something to do with the fact that I have wanted to leave ever since we took SD-6 down?" She was getting more and more irritated with every word she spoke. Taking a deep breath, she covered her face with her hands to calm herself down. Weiss took a step forward and put his hands on her shoulders.

"Look at me," he said quietly. She slowly dropped her hands and looked at him with a deep sadness in her eyes. 

"Vaughn…" Sydney was about to cut him off again, but he stopped her, "No, Syd, you need to hear this." He dropped his hands from her and crossed them over his chest. Leaning against the counter facing her, he continued, "When Vaughn was with you… well, I'd never seen him that way. You changed him, Syd. You made him a better person, and he loved you all the more for it." He paused to gauge her reaction, but her eyes were on the floor, almost in a trance. "You were a drug to him Sydney, and he was beyond addicted."

Her eyes had long since begun to fill with tears and that last statement made them spill. Torrents of hot tears slid down her face as she listened: rapt with his tale.

"You had him flying high and nothing could have prepared him for the fall," Weiss took a deep breath as if recalling this about his best friend was physically painful. "When you died… he was a disaster. He left the country and no one heard from him for months. I didn't know how bad it was until I got a call."

Sydney's eyes darted up to his in horror. Weiss' eyes had focused on a spot behind her head. She waited for him to continue, terrified.

"He was in a hospital recovering from an attempted suicide. Somebody brought him there after he passed out at a bar somewhere in France. I got there as fast as I could. When I saw him…" she shook his head distantly. "He was the strongest man I had ever known and to see him like that… to know that he was so low that he was going to take his own life… well it scared the s*** out of me, so as soon as the doctors let me, I brought him back to LA. He stayed with me for about six months and for that whole period of time, I think he said five words to me." He let out a small, ironic laugh, and shook his head, "He was pissed at me because I wouldn't let him kill himself."

Sydney looked down and crossed her arms. Her tears were falling at a somewhat steady pace now, dropping onto her shirt.

Weiss took a deep breath, brushing past the heartbreaking memories, "A bunch of us all agreed that it would be better to spread your 'ashes' at sea, so about a month after I brought him back, we had a ceremony at the pier…"

_The cool ocean breeze encircled Vaughn as he held the ashes close to his body, trying to absorb her soul from the remains. His eyes drifted past the railing of the pier and out over the ocean, watching the waves, forgetting where he was._

_Jack moved forward in front of the small group and cleared his throat._

_"I want to thank you all for coming today," he gazed through numb eyes at the others; Vaughn was still clutching the ashes and looking out at the ocean, Weiss had his hands jammed in his pockets and was examining his shoes, and Dixon and Marshall were staring back at Jack; emotions pouring through their eyes._

_"It's a beautiful day," he began quietly, "Sydney would've enjoyed it."_

_No one moved; a small breeze blew past them and out over the ocean. As if following its path, Jack said, "Sydney loved the ocean. When she was little, I would take her to the beach and she just had so much fun," he looked down at the wooden boards beneath his feet. "She was my daughter and she made me prouder than any father alive. I know I might have failed as a parent, but I just hope she knows how sorry I am, and how much I love her."_

_Jack wasn't good at opening up emotionally, but the people around him were his friends, whether they knew it or not, and they were they only family he had left._

_The air grew thick with unspoken words, and Dixon took this opportunity to speak his piece. "She was the greatest person I've ever known," he began proudly. "We worked together for a long time, and got through the toughest of moments together," he said, remembering their partnership, and the fall of SD-6. "She was a role-model for my kids with her sense of responsibility and high confidence. It saddens me greatly that she never had the chance to have children of her own," as Dixon said this, Jack looked at Vaughn who was still looking out at the waves, seemingly taking no notice of the others._

_"I'll miss her every day," he finished. "I know I will."_

_A silence fell over them and all that could be heard was the crashing waves and an occasional seagull. The minutes ticked away slowly, but none of the men noticed; they were each trapped in their own thoughts of Sydney._

_Suddenly, Vaughn spoke, "This is the exact spot." The others looked at him: some through their tears._

_"This is the exact spot where I knew Sydney Bristow would change my life forever." He grasped the railing with one had, still holding the ashes with the other. _

_"She was hurting and she called me. Me," he laughed a soft, bitter laugh. "I was her guardian angel. Now, I think the roles are reversed."_

_Vaughn turned toward the others, unshed tears balancing on his lashes._

_"I would take my life for five more minutes with her. Ten seconds even, and God knows I've tried," he laughed bitterly again, "but for some reason, he doesn't want us to be together."_

_Weiss' head seemed to drop lower to his chest as he remembered spending a week at his best friend's bedside after he had tried to drink himself to death. The memories of those sleepless nights were too vivid for comfort._

_"I wanted to marry her and have a family with her," he looked at Dixon, "There isn't a doubt in my mind about that. I actually was planning on proposing the weekend after she died." His fingers traced the top of the tin that held the remains of the love of his life. A single tear fell and splashed on the smooth metal._

_Weiss had known of Vaughn's intentions of proposal, and remembered the look he would get when he'd talk about it. It was a look of utter bliss, just at the thought of spending the rest of his life with Sydney. She would say yes and they'd live happily ever after. Everyone knew that that was the road they would have taken, but things didn't exactly go to plan._

_"I'll love her every day of my life as long as I live," he removed the lid on the ashes and said, "Through sickness and in health, till death do us part."_

_Reluctantly, he turned the urn over. The ashes flowed freely out above the ocean, carried on the wind._

_"You're free, Syd," he whispered. Closing the lid, he just stood there. _

_Five minutes passed as the men said their final goodbyes through their hearts. Jack turned to the red-eyed group and, without more than a head-nod, left them, his heart heavy with sorrow and a loneliness greater than any pain he'd ever suffered before._

_Slowly, one by one, the men left when their emotions got out of control._

_Weiss was the last one left with Vaughn, and with a simple pat on the shoulder, he left Vaughn to be alone with the love of his life._

Sydney stood in the harsh light of the kitchen with her mouth open and

 tears streaming down her face.

          "Syd, I just think you should talk to him; let him know that, before you do this, he's not your primary reason for leaving. Losing you once at someone else's hand was hard enough on him, but to lose you because of something he'll think he did would kill him all over again."

          Sydney nodded and looked down at the floor, digesting all the information she'd just been given. Her chest was tight with guilt and sadness.

          Stepping forward silently, Weiss took her in her arms and let her cry. 

          Let her cry for Vaughn, and for herself, too.

          TBC…

A/N- Ok, not a great start, I don't think, but this fic has been brewing in my mind for a while and it WILL GET BETTER, I promise!!

Please, R/R guys! I seriously need it! Lol… 

Thanks, 

Kate


	2. Back to Jack and Rose

Chapter Two: Back to Jack and Rose

"Fine, if you're gonna act that way, no Disney World," Meryl Streep's voice came from Sydney's TV.

"I could give a f*** about Disney World," came Leonardo Di Caprio's sarcastic response. 

Sydney laughed. It was Saturday afternoon and she actually had it off, so she was spending her free time enjoying a Leonardo Di Caprio marathon.

 She had told Lindsey, now the director, that she would be leaving sometime in the next week. He told her that she would be free from missions until she left, and unless something really serious was happening, she wouldn't be called in, either. All she had to do was come to work on Monday and fill out some paperwork, and that would be it.

The phone rang and Sydney muted the TV to answer it. She went into the kitchen and picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Sydney Bristow?" a woman asked.

"This is," Sydney replied, a little unsurely.

"This is Nancy Watterson," the kind voice answered and Sydney let out a sigh of relief. It was the teacher she'd be subbing for.

"I was just calling to set up a meeting so we could talk about the class."

"Oh, right. Of course," Sydney smiled. The first real step towards the break from her life. 

The break from the pain. 

"Uh, well my maternity leave officially starts next Friday, for some bizarre reason," Nancy laughed. "My doctor's slightly paranoid, so I was thinking you could come in on Wednesday so I can show you around, introduce you to a few people, and stuff. I'll let you sit in on the class then too, so you can get a feel for the students."

"Okay, that sounds good," Sydney said. The more time she got with the class while the teacher was there, the better. Kids were hard on subs when she was in high school and she didn't expect things to be much different now.

"Oh, also I have a few last meetings on Thursday," Nancy continued, "so if you come in then too you can have your first day with me still in the building, just in case you have any problems or questions. Don't worry though, the kids are great. You shouldn't have a problem with them, but I will tell you who to watch out for." She could hear the laugh in Nancy's voice. Sydney could tell this woman was genuinely friendly and when they met in person, Sydney knew they were going to become friends.

"No problem," Sydney actually really liked the idea of this. She would be able to have her first day alone with the students while their actual teacher was in the building. Better safe than sorry. "What time should I be there?"

"Oh, um…" Nancy trailed off in thought. "Well, my first class starts at 8:30, so we should probably meet at about 7:30 so we can get the introductions around the school out of the way and still have time for our meeting. I hope that's not too early," Nancy said, realizing that 7:30 _was _early for people who weren't used to the routine.

"Oh, no, that's fine. I'm an early riser anyway," Sydney assured her, not sure why she had divulged that last bit of information. What was it about pregnant women that made them great confidants?

"Oh, good," she sighed and laughed a light, airy laugh. "I'm just so used to waking up at like 5:30 every morning that sleeping until 7:00 is sleeping in! I can't wait until this baby is born so I can wake up even earlier!" She added sarcastically.

Sydney laughed softly but couldn't help feeling that Nancy was taking her position for granted. Every bone in Sydney's body yearned for what this woman had: a husband, a baby on the way… normality. Her depression was cut short by Nancy's voice.

"Sorry to bore you with the lamentations of a mood-swinging pregnant woman!" she laughed. "So, I'll see you bright and early on Wednesday?"

"Yeah," Sydney answered in a half-hearted voice. "See you then."

"Okay, bye."

Not bothering to say goodbye, she pulled the phone away from her ear and just looked at it. She heard Nancy hang up her phone and felt the ache of jealousy twisting her stomach into a knot. 

A dark anger reached up from her jealousy into her chest and simmered there. She gripped the phone tighter until her knuckles turned white. In one smooth movement, her arm pulled back and whipped forward sending the phone across the room, smashing into the wall.

Fat tears slid down her cheeks as she padded down the hall to her room, where she stayed for the rest of the afternoon.

The TV stayed on mute in her living room playing silently for an invisible audience.

------

Sydney's cell phone rang shrilly from her bedside table, pulling her out of her near-catatonic state. 

She looked out at her room from the depths of her covers. Her tears had dried a few hours earlier leaving her with her thoughts and a migraine.

The ringing seemed to get louder with every high-pitched peal of sound and made her feel like her head was splitting open.

Clumsily reaching over to the table, she groped for her cell phone. She finally found it and answered on the last ring.

"Hello?" she croaked. Her throat was dry and her voice was painful to her ears.

"Syd?" Weiss' voice came through loudly, and she had to pull the phone away from her face as a stab of pain seared through her head.

She swallowed, trying to moisten her throat, but her voice still came out scratchy when she said, "Yeah."

He paused in deliberation of asking her what was wrong, but settled on asking her later.

"What's up with your house phone? I called like fifteen times."

"Oh," Sydney sighed. "I don't know. Must be dead." She sat up and swung her legs over the side of her bed. "What's up?"

"We have an emergency briefing. Lindsey wanted me to call you."

Sydney was confused; what happened to not being called in anymore?

She groaned. "When?" She didn't bother hiding her annoyance.

"In half an hour. This guy is seriously an ass. I'm sorry I couldn't warn you earlier."

She took a deep breath and looked at the clock: 5:30. She had been lying in bed for longer than she thought.

"Ugh, traffic's gonna be a nightmare!" Sydney said, aggravated. Lindsey better have a great reason for calling her in. That, or a death wish.

"I would offer you a ride, but I'm already here: I had some paperwork to do. It would only take longer if I picked you up," he said regretfully.

"Don't worry about it, Weiss." She stood up from her bed and said, "Well, I better go now if I have any hope of getting there within the next three days."

He laughed, "Alright, see you soon, Syd."

She hung up the phone and dropped it on her bed. After grabbing her car keys she turned off the TV, which was now twenty minutes into Titanic, and left; too angry to notice she was still wearing the tank top and pajama bottoms she'd been in all day.

------

Sydney arrived at the JTF twenty minutes late, but couldn't care less. She could only hope that Lindsey was really annoyed.

As she walked through the rotunda, she got odd looks on account of her appearance. 

She jingled her keys in her hand and took a deep breath as she opened to door to the meeting room

She was greeted by an aggravated look from Lindsey, an amused look from Weiss, Vaughn, and Dixon, who were already there, along with Jack and Lauren. Jack's face was impartial to the way his daughter was dressed, but Lauren was obviously taken aback.

"So glad you could join us, Miss Bristow," Lindsey said smugly.

"Look, I don't know how you all got her so fast; traffic was unbelievable," she answered, sending a glare his way.

"Well, it sure is refreshing to see you so enthusiastic, Sydney, but we do have an important matter at hand," her gave her a warning look to tell her she was crossing the line as if he wasn't doing the same thing, and she couldn't help but roll her eyes. 

"Fine," she said tiredly. "Enlighten us."

Vaughn sent a confused look at Weiss, but all he did in return was shrug his shoulders. Lauren noticed this and watched her husband, seeing the evident concern on his face. She turned back to look at Lindsey who was saying:

"Well, I would, but it seems that someone else has decided to make us wait for their arrival," he answered lamely.

"Great," she said lowly.

Lindsey looked at her sarcastically. "Feeling hypocritical today, aren't we, Bristow?"

Sydney leveled her gaze on her him, "I could say the same to you."

Laughing quietly, she turned from a fuming Lindsey and walked over by Weiss. She sat down on the table, earning an annoyed look from Lindsey at her manors and swung her legs back and forth slowly. Weiss walked over to her smirking.

"Nice pajamas," he said under his breath.

"Yes," Lindsey butted in, before Sydney could reply, "it's good to see that you took your appearance into consideration before deciding to show up."

Sydney pushed her self off the table and walked over to Lindsey, fuming. If looks could kill, he would have been in several bloody pieces.

"You know what?" She said dangerously. "When you call me after our discussion yesterday, you surrender your right to criticize my appearance."

Before Lindsey could say anything, Marshall burst in the door, sweating more than usual.

He noticed the tension in the room as everyone turned to face him. "Uh, sorry I'm uh late… Carrie had a doctor's appointment. Traffic… was really… bad," he slowed as he got a tired reaction from the group.

Lindsey paid no notice to Marshall and said loudly, "Alright, let's get down to business."

Everyone took their seats and he positioned himself in the front.

"We have just received intel that an arms dealer, this man," he turned on the screen behind him and the picture of a man appeared, "will be meeting with a member of the covenant whose identity is, as of now, unknown."

He looked at everyone expecting to get a reaction. Sydney sighed exasperatedly. 

"Well, that's a little vague, don't you think, _sir_?" she finally said, aggravated.

He glared at her and continued, "They will be meeting tonight in Spain. For what, we don't know, but…"

Sydney cut him off, "Um, excuse me for asking, but what does this have to do with me?"

Lindsey looked at her in feigned confusion, "Miss Bristow, what are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb with me," she warned. "I talked to you yesterday, remember? So, unless this man is going to bring about the end of the world through a meeting in Spain," she said sarcastically, "I don't need to be here."

"_Agent _Bristow, your presence is imperative…"

"Bulls***!" She yelled.

Getting up from her chair, she said, "You don't need me here, and you know it! Unless you have multiple personalities, it was _you _who told me yesterday that I wouldn't be called on to go on any more missions before I leave next week!"

A small smile of satisfaction appeared on Lindsey's face and Sydney looked down at the realization of what she'd just admitted to everyone: People that she didn't want to know, at least not this way. Saying it like this made it sound like she was leaving out of weakness, and a certain person in the room didn't need to think that.

Grabbing her keys from the table, she said, "I'm leaving. You better learn to deal without me."

She walked away from a table of confused people, and pushed the door open.

She went back home, back to her relaxation.

Back to Jack and Rose.

------

Sydney walked into her house and slammed the door behind her violently. She kicked off her shoes and threw her keys onto a table by the door. 

She walked directly to her fridge and pulled out a pint of Haagen Daz cookie dough ice cream.

Then, she sat down on the couch armed with the remote and a spoon to eat her dinner.

Wrapping a blanket around herself, she turned on the TV to find Titanic still on (much to her pleasure) and dug her spoon into the smooth vanilla ice cream.

It was her favorite part: Jack was sitting at dinner with the Dewitbeaukaters and several other people with healthy bank accounts.

"How are the accommodations in steerage, Mr. Dawson?" Rose's mother asked rudely.

"The best I've seen. Hardly any rats," he answered cheerily. 

Sydney smiled and ate her ice cream, trying to forget the questioning looks she would bet getting on Monday.

-----

Tears poured down her face relentlessly and she hastily grabbed another tissue.

"Jack! Wake up, Jack! There's a boat!" Rose's desperate voice came from the TV.

Sydney let out a sob and pulled the blanket closer around her. 

Just then, the doorbell rang. She groaned and abandoned the tear-soaked tissue on the coffee table. It would figure: someone would come to her house now, when she was at her most disgusting.

Grabbing a new tissue, she wiped the fresh tears from her face and blew her nose, running to the mirror in the hall.

_Wonderful. _She thought sarcastically. _All puffy and red. Nice._

The doorbell rang again, and she yelled, "Hold on one sec!" Her voice was still unstable from her fit of tears.

She ran to the door and opened it swiftly.

Her breath caught in her throat when she was greeted with the familiar face.

"Uh… hey…" she stammered. "Vaughn, what are you doing here?"

He ignored her question. He was more concerned with why she'd been crying.

"Syd," he breathed, taking a step closer. "What's wrong?"

"Oh…" she laughed in embarrassment. "I was just watching Titanic," she gestured over her shoulder.

He let out a sigh of relief and smiled, "Oh."

It grew quiet and Sydney said, "Oh, come in, come in."

He followed her inside and she closed the door saying, "I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Don't worry about it," Vaughn said, following her into the living room.

The end of Titanic was still playing on her TV: The old Rose was standing on the railing with the Heart of the Ocean in her hand. The beautiful diamond shone brightly until Sydney turned the TV off and began picking up the many tissues that adorned the coffee table, couch, and floor.

He smiled remembering how much she loved this movie. They watched it together once, but didn't exactly get to the end…

Sydney returned from throwing away the tissues (and two empty pints of ice cream) and sat down on the couch.

"Here, sit down," she said.

Vaughn sat down next to her. As he did, he said, "I like your new place."

She watched his eyes roam around the room. When they met hers again, silence fell over them.

"I guess you're wondering about what happened at the briefing…" she said feeling guilty.

He laughed and looked down at his lap. "Yeah," he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out an envelope from a one-hour photo developer. "And to give you these."

Vaughn handed her the envelope and she looked at it dying to tear it open, but restrained herself.

"Us?" she asked about the pictures.

"Yeah," he nodded sadly. "Some with Will and Francie too. Remember that day at the beach?"

She smiled and ran her fingers over the envelope in her hand. She did remember that day. It felt so great to be with the most important people in her life, just out in public having fun.

"I found the roll in my camera a few days ago. I thought I'd get them developed and give them to you," his eyes watched hers staring at the pictures that she still hadn't taken out.

She looked up at him, "thank you."

He nodded. She didn't know that he'd gotten two sets developed.

That one set was sitting in the passenger seat of his car right now.

Putting them on the table in front of her, she said, "I should explain now, shouldn't I?"

"I was hoping you would."

She took a deep breath and began, "Well, I told Lindsey yesterday that I was leaving and he said that he wouldn't assign me on any more missions. All I had to do was show up on Monday and fill out some paperwork. Then I'd be done." She shook her head ironically. It never was as simple as it seemed.

His eyes were filled with sadness as if he wished that what he heard had been wrong. 

"You're leaving," he said, disappointment filling his voice. 

She sighed, and looked into his eyes, begging him to understand. 

"Vaughn, I just can't do it anymore. Going to work was never a great joy," she said obviously, "But now it's damn-near impossible."

She could see that her words hurt him and she regretted it immediately. 

"I mean," She tried to explain, " when I go to work, I know I'm going to be reminded of everything… everyone I've lost. It's almost easier when it comes to Francie and Will: I don't see them everyday. It's different with you." Her vision started to blur, and she looked down at her hands.

"Every time I look at you, I remember what it was like to be with you. I remember how I could've had the worst day of my life, but then I'd go home with you, and all that went out the window."

She looked back up at him and he could see that hear tears had fallen, and were now glistening on her cheeks. His fingers burned to reach up and wipe them away, but he knew that if he did, it would be all over. 

"I remember it all," she continued, "but I can't tell you how much I want to forget."

He was the one to look down this time. With every second that he looked at her, his self-control weakened. 

Life was so unfair. There he was, sitting next to the love of his life, but he couldn't be with her.

She was in pain, and he couldn't comfort her.

She was leaving, he may never see her again, and he couldn't tell her to stay.

Sydney reached up and wiped her tears away. She was so close to him, but so far away, and knowing that he would go home that night and share his bed with someone else was killing her.

"Starting over is my only option," there was a new tone in her voice as she said this, like if she was sure about anything in the world, that was it.

"It will be hard not seeing you everyday," Vaughn admitted. He wasn't sure what made him say it, but it was the truth, and it felt good to tell her. The truth shall set you free, right?

"If you ever need me," she said quietly, "know that I'm here for you. Always," and he left. 

TBC…


	3. TriColored Memories

Chapter 3: Tri-Colored Memories 

For the second time that day, Sydney was lying in the constraints of her bed swimming in thought. The pictures Vaughn had giving her still laid untouched on her coffee table.

They called out to her and she wanted to rip the envelope open and fall into the past. It would feel good, but the consequence was something she wasn't sure she could bear. 

After Vaughn had left, she just sat there, staring at the envelope; her fingers itching to open it. She knew that if she did, the wall she had so shamefully built up around her more private memories would break and they would flood her mind once again. 

Half an hour went by before Sydney surrendered to the confines of her bedroom once again. The internal battle had been delayed, but the pictures would still be sitting there, waiting for her when she woke up.

Her mind was restless and she found it a pointless task trying to sleep, and finally decided on getting up. She'd only been in bed for forty-five minutes, but it felt longer.

_Well, time passes slowly when you're suicidal. _Sydney thought sarcastically. 

Migraines had made themselves partial to her lately and as she stood up, a wave of nausea swept over her. The room was spinning and she had to put her hand on her bedside table to steady herself. 

Her eyes were clamped shut tightly in attempt of calming her stomach, but were wrenched open by her cell phone. The ringing was dull to the room as it was in the kitchen and had to pass through her closed door to reach her ears, but to her, it couldn't have been louder. 

She opened the door and stumbled down the hallway drunkenly, shielding her eyes from the miniscule light that filtered in the windows from the moon. Grabbing the phone from the counter, she closed her eyes and answered it.

"Hello?" She groaned.

"Sydney," came Jack's stern reply. His tone was softer than usual: his way of asking her what was wrong.

"Hi dad," she smiled softly, almost in relief. Moving to the joining dining room, she sat down in a chair and pulled her knees up to her chin.

"You took the job," he said factually.

Sydney shook her head. _Well, he never did waste time getting to the point._

"Yeah," she answered, feeling ashamed for not telling him earlier. She had been planning on telling him the same night she told Weiss, and would have; had her emotions not taken a fast turn into a brick wall.

"Dad, I have to do this," she tried to explain. "I'm done with this spy crap. I need to move on and the CIA is not going to help me with that."

"Sydney, I understand," his voice gained the air of a confidant; an old friend. "Personally, I wish you left after you graduated as you had wanted… but it just wasn't the right time."

Her head dropped lower to her chest as she remembered talking to Vaughn about quitting. The look in his eyes… he looked as if she would be betraying him if she left. But also, he looked relieved: No more sleepless nights wondering if she'd return from far corners of the earth in one piece.

She had wanted to quit so badly, but leaving meant surrendering the ability to see the mother she had once thought dead for more than twenty years, and at the time, that relationship was more important than her future. If only she'd known…

"Dad…" she began, "am I doing the right thing?"

He hesitated, "Sydney… I shouldn't be the one to decide that for you. If it's what you want, then it's right."

Sydney let out a deep sigh. "Okay dad," she said, resigned. "Listen, I have to go. I have some paperwork to do for my first day," she lied.

"Alright Sydney. Have a good night."

"Thanks dad, you too."

She hung up her phone and placed it gently on the dining room table in front of her.

Did he know she was lying? Most likely. Two spies should never attempt to lie to each other, but she knew her father would ignore it. He knew she needed the time alone.

Her house was dark; the only like source being the pale moon and it gave an eerie glow to her few belongings.

The dining room and living room were joined: there wasn't a wall separating the rooms, it just went from wood flooring to carpeting. It added to the open feeling of the house, which Sydney loved, but she hated it at that moment.

There were the pictures, still sitting in their envelope on the coffee table, except now there was a small streak of milky-light splayed over them. Being in such a close vicinity to them was overpowering and Sydney couldn't control herself: She got up and walked to the table.

Standing over them, her mind raced.

_Syd, you know what's going to happen! _One side warned. _You're going to look at these pictures and break into hysterics. Then, you'll cry yourself to sleep after a few solid hours of weeping._

_Yeah, like I don't **already** cry myself to sleep every night, _her other side countered.

She took a deep breath and ignored her internal arguing as she reached down and picked up the envelope. She was about to open it, when she realized that going into this sober was like taking off your helmet before diving headfirst into a pool with no water in it.

Sydney went the kitchen and opened the fridge, looking for the most alcoholic beverage she owned. After a quick debate over beer or wine, she grabbed a beer and went back to the living room. 

She would have gone to her bedroom but it was far too depressing in there after the multiple crying sessions she had held in it in the past 24 hours.

Turning on a lamp, she settled herself into the couch with a blanket and sat the pictures on her lap. She took a deep breath and was about to open the envelope when she thought better of it and reached for her beer. Sydney twisted the cap off and downed a few swallows.

She replaced the bottle of store-bought courage on the table next to the couch and returned her eyes to the pictures.

_It's either now or… later, and later I'll have a hangover._

Quickly, she opened the envelope and pulled out the pictures. Her heart swelled with love for the first picture.

It was of her, Vaughn, Will, and Francie. The men both had their arms around their girlfriends protectively, and they were all smiling in pure contentment. The ocean horizon stretched out behind them accounting for their bathing suits. 

Sydney began to feel a lump rise in her throat, so she had another swallow of beer and went to the next picture, but all the alcohol in California couldn't have prepared her for what was coming next.

This picture was of her and Vaughn, but was more intimate than the last one. They were in the ocean far enough for the water to come up to their shoulders. 

They weren't looking at the camera, but deep into each other's eyes. Vaughn's right hand was resting gently on the side of her face, her hand resting in the curve of his neck. The water was barely rippling around them and glowed with the orange embers emanating from the setting sun. 

Tears balanced on Sydney's lashes: she remembered that day as if it were yesterday.. She couldn't remember a time that she'd had more fun. 

Francie and Will were their regular goofy selves and had a blast, but she and Vaughn were in paradise and couldn't be torn from each other. 

She suddenly wondered who had taken the picture, but smiled when she realized that it was Francie. She had been entertaining herself with Vaughn's camera all day and had probably figured out how to zoom in and out, thus enabling herself to eavesdrop on them. 

In a way, she was glad she had something to remind her of the great time they'd had, but it immediately sent her spiraling into the past.

**Flashback**

"Syd, let's do a checklist," Francie said from the front seat of Will's SUV as they sped along the highway. 

"Francie, I'm sure I didn't forget anything," she smiled back at her friend.

"Well, what if you did? I wouldn't want to have spent a half hour in the car with you people only to realize we forgot the camera or something stupid."

"'You people'?" Will asked from the driver's seat. Francie smacked his arm playfully and he winked at her.

"Hey! Keep your eyes on the road boy!" Francie said. She looked back at Sydney expectantly.

"Fran…" Sydney tried to persuade her.

"Humor me, Syd. Please?" Francie pouted.

"Alright, alright," she surrendered, and grabbed the beach bag sitting on the floor by her feet.

"Thanks," Francie answered sweetly.

Sydney pulled the bag up onto her lap and caught a glance of Vaughn sitting next to her. He had his eyes locked on her and she smiled back at him flirtatiously.

"Okay…" Francie began. "Suntan lotion?"

"Check," Sydney replied, bored.

"Camera?"

Sydney dug through the bag and after a few seconds Francie said, "Syd… don't tell me you forgot it!"

"I didn't forget it!" Sydney laughed lightly.

"You better hope you didn't! I'm not going to miss the opportunity to take obscene amounts of pictures on our first double date!"

Francie had been overly insistent on bringing the camera and extra film. 'You've gotta get that hottie on film!' she'd said about Vaughn the day before. 

"Found it!" Sydney pulled it out of the bag.

Francie's eyes opened widely and she squealed. "Oh, it's so cute!"

She reached out and grabbed it from Sydney's hand and examined the small camera. 

"Uh, thanks," Vaughn laughed.

"Don't worry man," Will said from the front. "She thinks everything is cute."

She pressed a button and the shutter opened. The lens emerged from the camera and Francie let out a group of 'oohs' and 'ahs'. 

"Fran, the checklist?" Sydney reminded her.

"We don't need it. You didn't forget anything," she answered positively and went back to the camera. 

Sydney laughed and put the bag back on the floor. 

"I swear Fran, you have the attention span of a banana," Will said.

"Watch it," she warned, "or I won't apply your suntan lotion. I'll make Syd do it."

"I can't see a negative side to that," Will smirked.

"I can," Francie prepared her ammo. "She'll have to touch your hairy back."

Vaughn stifled a laugh, but Sydney couldn't hold hers back. The car was filled with her laughter.

"Hey!" Will was offended. "I don't have a hairy back! Come on Syd! You know that!" Will was frantically looking around the car for some kind of support, but by now everyone was dissolved in laughter.

Their laughter was cut short by a loud honk from another car on the road and everyone looked out the window. Will hadn't exactly been paying attention to the road and now the car was straddling two lanes.

Will swerved the car back into the left lane and blushed furiously.

"Will, sweetie," Francie began, "I'd appreciate it if we got to the beach in one piece."

They broke into laughter again. Sydney looked at the people around her and felt completely happy. She didn't know what she'd do if she didn't have each one of them. 

She felt Vaughn's hand cover hers on her lap. He gave it a light squeeze and rubbed the pad of his thumb over her fingers. Looking up at him, she gave him a warm smile and leaned over. Their lips met in a slow, sweet kiss. Will interrupted them.

"Hey, no getting frisky back there! This is **my **car, thank you!" 

Sydney blushed and buried her face in Vaughn's neck and felt his chest vibrate as he let out a low laugh.

She heard Francie smack Will's arm again.

"Hey! Stop abusing me!"

***

They pulled into the parking lot ten minutes later and began their trek to find the 'perfect beach spot', or so Will said.

Sydney's feet sunk into the warm, silky sand and she slipped her flip-flops off. She picked them up and grabbed Vaughn's hand. Will and Francie were ahead of them setting up towels and chairs at the spot.

"Thanks for coming today," Sydney said softly.

"You don't have to thank me. I wanted to come. Do you think I'd miss the chance to spend time **at the beach **with the prettiest girl in LA?" He smiled and settled his free hand in the curve of her waist.

Sydney grinned as her cheeks flushed. "I do have to thank you. It's no ease task spending forty-five minutes in the car with those two," she turned and nodded her head at Francie and Will who had abandoned setting up camp and were making out in the sand.

Vaughn laughed, "They're great Syd." She turned back to him and her smile grew. 

"I told you you'd love them."

He nodded. "Yeah, you did. Well, we better get over there before they get a ticket for indecent exposure."

Sydney laughed and they continued the way to the towels.

"Hey," Sydney tapped her foot on Will's back. "There are kids around here. Control yourselves!" 

Will sat up and a bright red spread across his cheeks. He helped France up who was fixing her bathing suit and wiping her lip gloss off her face. 

Sydney shook her head and pulled out two more towels from the beach bag. She spread them out right next to each other and sat down on one. Looking up at Vaughn she patted the towel next to her giving him a 'come hither' look. 

As he sat down she searched through the bag for a bottle of suntan lotion. 

When she found some, she held up the bottle to Vaughn. "Would you like some?" she said in a sultry voice.

Vaughn stretched his legs out in front of him. "Are you coming on to me Miss Bristow?"

Sydney smiled slyly and straddled his lap. She leaned in and whispered in his ear, "Lay down, **Agent **Vaughn."

He did so eagerly, reaching his hands back and resting his head on them. 

Sydney squeezed lotion into her hand and set the bottle down on the towel next to her. Slowly, she spread the lotion across his chest feeling his muscles relax under her fingers. She worked it in until his chest glittered in the sunlight. Her eyes met his and she saw his flood with desire. 

He sat up and captured her lips in a fiery kiss. Their tongues clashed and her hands grabbed his back. He swiftly lied her down and settled on top of her, his hands traveling her body. 

"Hey guys!" Francie called out. They pulled their lips from each other, both burning from the kisses, and looked at her.

She was sitting on her towel poised and ready with the camera. "Smile!" she said cheerily. 

Sydney and Vaughn couldn't help but smile out of embarrassment as the flash went off. They dissolved into laughter of being 'caught in the act' and Vaughn hid his face in Sydney's neck. Her hand came up and threaded through his hair. 

"And you said **we **were bad?" Will came up behind Francie. "If Fran had been two seconds later, we'd have Mikey Junior running around."

Sydney blushed furiously. She grabbed the bottle of suntan lotion and chucked it at him. He caught it and stuck his tongue out at her.

Vaughn sat up slowly and reached into the bag. Pulling out the other bottle of lotion, ('Always be prepared,' Francie sad) he smiled devilishly at Sydney. 

"Hey, don't be getting any ideas," Francie warned. "I guess I'm gonna just have to sit here and chaperone!"

***

The sun began setting and Vaughn stood up from the towel he and Sydney had been sharing. Will and Francie were cuddling on theirs looking out at the ocean.

"Join me for a swim?" Vaughn asked, holding his hand out to Sydney.

She smiled as she gave him her hand and he pulled her up. They walked slowly down to the surf and the warm water washed over their feet calling them out.

Sydney took a side-glance at Vaughn and saw him watching her.

"Ladies first," he smiled.

"Oh, what a gentleman," Sydney grinned. She began walking out and pulled Vaughn with her. She sunk lower and went under, releasing his hand.

She came and he did too, having followed her underwater. She smiled and ran a hand through his hair.

"I love your hair," she said softly.

"Really?" he sounded unsure. "I was thinking about getting it cut."

"Don't," she said gently. "This length is perfect."

His face grew serious. "**You're** perfect."

Sydney's eyes watched his grow more intense. He moved forward in the water and placed his hand on her cheek.

"I love you, Syd," he murmured.

Her heart was bursting with joy. She reached up and placed her hand in the crook of his neck.

"Oh Vaughn…" She breathed. "I love you too. So much."

Vaughn's other hand pulled Sydney's hips to him. He leaned down mere inches and brushed his lips against hers. Heat spread through her body like wild fire and her hunger for him was killing her.

She pulled him down and devoured him. Her hand reached around him and held onto his back. She could feel his muscles flexing as his arms tightened and loosened around her.

Vaughn broke away and trailed hot kisses down her neck. She moved her head back and let out a low moan. Her eyes wandered out to the beach and landed on Will and Francie, who were watching them with sly smiles on their faces.

"Vaughn," Sydney tried to get his attention.

"Mmm," he groaned into her neck. She felt his hand playing with the clasp of her bikini top.

"Michael," She tried again. This got his attention. Slowly he pulled himself from her and looked into her eyes.

She smiled. "We have an audience." She nodded toward the shore. 

He laughed. "I think we better get home. If we don't, I won't be held accountable for my actions," he smiled mischievously.

Sydney giggled and kissed him softly. "Let's go." She took his hand and pulled him toward shore. 

As they were approaching, Francie leaned over to Will and said, "They are going to be together **forever**."

**End Flashback**

Sydney wiped her tears away. She looked at the picture still in her hand and suddenly felt weighted down with weakness. She didn't have the strength it took to look at these pictures. Placing them back in the envelope, she walked to the kitchen and placed them in a drawer. 

"Later," she said, and turned off the light in the living room. As she walked out she saw the clock above the TV: 11:30. She hoped she'd finally be tired enough to get to sleep, and went to her room.

That night, she didn't cry herself to sleep.

TBC…


End file.
